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It was at exactly 3:17 today when I had an epiphany.  You see I had just left CVS, It was there I thoughtlessly purchased a few magazines.

Have a look, tell me what you see.

Body, Body, “Health” Body, Oh Decorate.

It was only after my purchase that I became aware of this pattern.

Here is the thing, I know how to eat. I know how not to eat. I have done both well and at separate times. In fact I could probably write my own magazine regarding what you should/shouldn’t do.  I should also know that it’s unlikely I will find any recipe or fact that I haven’t already read via one of the many food blogs I frequent.

The problem is obvious. The fix is not.

Taking the focus off of myself is what needs to happen. Problem is I am so unhappy and frustrated with my body I can’t see past it.  Why is it so messed up? Simple. It was abused.  Part of my massive frustration is with myself for doing so. I feel like I have tried everything to fix it, spent tons of money, eaten perfectly and nothing. I have tried everything except acceptance.

The “Fat Talk” has got. to. stop.    Yes, I know I am not anywhere near where I used to be, I am also quite far from where I want to be. Trying to work out is a joke, because my body doesn’t trust me so it actually works against me.  I don’t count calories but I can shell out a pretty round number of what I eat daily. It is less than it should be for someone NOT on a diet. Yet I can’t get past the diet mentality. Eat this, Not that. Lose 5 pounds by Friday. We all know that doesn’t work.  In fact dieting is the reason most people gain more weight. You lower  your calories too low, your body will eventually freak out. Then all you have left is a skewed mind and a ruined metabolism.

Then you are where I am now.

There is no diet, no way of eating that will fix me. I have to look further, deeper than that. To fix the real problem at hand.

Guess I am lucky enough to recognize what I am doing wrong. To see beyond my thoughts. Because deep down, my gut will always tell me what is right.